What is God’s view of singleness? Where does the single person fit in God’s plan for marriage and family formation? I often hear that question from unmarried people—especially women—after they hear me lecture on the maternal heart of God, or read my book Nurturing the Nations. This question is worthy of careful response.

The Circumstance of Singleness

Many people find themselves single because both modern and postmodern culture focus on independence; the single, unfettered male is the ideal. Modern society puts great value on making money, having material things, and living a fluid lifestyle unencumbered by relationships (read children). These priorities, too often, lead to choices and circumstances that leave people single.

There are other reasons for singleness. Many godly women would love to get married, but few men seem ready to make a lifetime commitment to marriage and family.

Different people have different responses to singleness. Some see singleness as God’s call and remain content in that state. Others have chosen singleness and are happy, still others have made the same choice and are miserable. Many are single by circumstances beyond their control and want to marry. Some are sad or angry, sometimes angry with God.

You may be somewhere on that spectrum. If so, it is important to recognize a reality more fundamental than marriage status: you are made in the image of God. This is our most basic identity as humans. It preempts your sex, race, ethnic group, gifts, skills, affiliations, religious background, education, job, or marital status. Your basic identity is who you are and whose you are. The popular worship song captures this:

You’re a good, good father,

It’s who you are, it’s who you are, it’s who you are

And I’m loved by you,

It’s who I am, it’s who I am, it’s who I am

You are a human being loved by the ultimate Father.

What is your station?

We’ve lost a word which, if reclaimed, would enhance our understanding of human life: “station.” Webster’s 1828 defines station, “The spot or place where one stands, particularly where a person habitually stands, or is appointed to remain for a time; Situation; position.”

Our station helps to define who we are at a particular moment of life. Your station may be the result of someone’s choice—your own or your parents—or by circumstances. If you are caring for an elderly parent, that’s part of your station. You may be married with young children, another reality that helps define your station. Living on a farm is a different station than living in an urban apartment. Often we are able to change our station, sometimes we are not. You may be able to move easily from the farm to an urban apartment. But if you are a mother with young children, that marks a station that will not change for many years.

Because God is community, He has made us for relationships. Our primary relationship is with Him, but three other relationships are important: those with other human beings, with the rest of the created order, and with ourselves. As humans we can reflect on our own existence. These relationships form a rich tapestry for our lives.

This brings us back to the beginning of this post. In God’s design, marriage and family formation are normative. Yet some people are single, either by choice or circumstance.

Every woman a nurturer

Another thing normative for all human beings is the Cultural Commission of Genesis 1:26-28; we are here for a purpose. Followers of Jesus Christ are given a second commission, to disciple nations (Matt 28:18-20). All this plays out in the backdrop of Christ’s life, death and glorious resurrection (the gospel) and the future certainty of the coming kingdom of God.

These reference points give our lives meaning, whether we are single or married. Women have another reference point: by design and nature, you are a nurturer.

Having created a context for our lives as members of the human family and for many, the body of Christ, what might be some insights or counsel for those who are single by choice or circumstances? We’ll consider that in part two.

• Darrow Miller

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