The day before returning to Colombia, we flew to Houston to a hospital renowned for leukemia treatment. They did 40 exams and we had the opportunity to talk with the department director.

When the test results began to arrive, this doctor told us that he really did not know what was happening. His results did not correlate with her clinical history from Colombia. He did not see leukemia in her blood.

On January 24, 2017, four years to the day after they diagnosed Paulita with leukemia, this doctor was telling us that he did not see leukemia in her blood. We left samples for some more specific exams and we flew to Colombia overwhelmed and very expectant of the miracle that God was working in Paulita’s body. However, she developed a persistent cough and chest pain so we went straight to the emergency room when we arrived in Bogotá.

Five days after our arrival, on the day of my youngest daughter’s birthday, Paulita left for the presence of the Lord.

I have to admit that the pain of her departure, plus everything that happened last month, that I did not have in mind to live and We simply lived in obedience to what God was telling us to do, plus a call I received from the director from the leukemia department telling me that the finding of the samples indicated it was another leukemia different from the one they diagnosed in Colombia, devastated me, fractured my faith, I felt as if I had broken into pieces, I did not understand anything, I do not even understand it.

At the darkest place God was there

I struggled to love God, to understand what happened to me. Finally, I had to acknowledge before Him what I was feeling and ask Him to help me. I had to be very sincere.

In His undeserved grace, God spoke to me, whispered to me in silence, gave me His Word and brought me back with His infinite love. He came to me to give what I needed that day to live with joy and intensity.

Two and a half years since her departure, I know perfectly how God protects us from severe trauma. I entered a state of shock that allowed me to survive the hardest moments after the departure of a child. I understand what it is to resist falling into deep depression. I understand that pain can drive a person crazy, and I have also been able to experience God lifting me one day at a time and giving me what I need to live by His side.

God wants you to learn to love and serve others

Pain awakens our sensitivity to the pain of others. It brings us closer to the others who suffers. It helps us understand that the deeper someone’s pain is, the fewer words you should say. Only your presence is needed.

There are times when we should not try to encourage or comfort the person who suffers, we do not know what to say. In such times speaking is not important; it is about identifying with the pain of the person suffering and being there. No more.

God wants you to share your message of life to others

The second year of my daughter’s departure has been the most painful I’ve ever lived. Someone told me that they take a part of us that we will never recover. I had a hard time getting used to living with a deep black hole in my heart.

God wants to redeem your suffering, to teach you what you cannot otherwise learn. He frees you from fear with an eternal perspective and a higher purpose.

This suffering has taught me not only to broaden my perspective on death and see it as part of life, but also to talk about it. It has also led me to feel hungry for knowing Him more, for understanding the way He works, hungry to seek Him for answers that only He can give.

A few months ago, without my intention, God led me to retrace the steps of Jesus in Israel. He reminded me that with his death and resurrection he opened the possibility of going to heaven, of enjoying His presence. Only because of what Christ did for us on the cross is that we have the possibility of enjoying eternal life, does this fill me with hope and revive my faith.

Only with an eternal perspective can we face the suffering of today.

I saw myself in a painting that depicted the woman who had been bleeding for twelve years and thought, “If I only touched the tassle of His mantle, I will be healthy.”

I reflected on this woman with my bleeding heart and asked Jesus to heal me, to let me touch the tassle of His mantle, to take my questions if they were not to have an answer and also that deep and black hole of my heart.

With Paulita, I will worship Jesus

And He did. I felt different. Peace and joy flooded my heart. I stopped crying with that pain that paralyzes the soul. Now I remember Paulita with an eternal hope that one day I will go to the Lord and adore Him with her.

The greatest testimony of God’s love was not the perfect life of Jesus, it was not his sermons or miracles, but it was his suffering of Jesus on the cross.

Therefore, I invite you not to waste your pain or your wounds. I invite you to see them with an eternal perspective.

I invite you to accept that in this life, you see only part of the film and you can trust that God has the complete picture and is immensely good. Only in pain can you feel Him so close that you can almost touch Him.

There are many people around you who are going through what you already went through and they will listen to your story. That’s why I’m here, standing in front of you. I use my pain to show the message that God has given me.

If you are suffering deep pain—by the loss of a loved one, divorce, a financial collapse, sexual abuse suffered in childhood, violence, the devastating weight of living under the authority of a father or a mother abusive, alcoholic or drug addict … whatever the cause, it is time that you stop allowing it to blur your image of who God is and His love for you. I invite you to give Him the opportunity to approach you in these three days and talk to you.

Pain can be a door to know God more deeply

“Pain is one of the realities of life. To be mature, we have to be awake to pain. Let it be a door through which we enter to find greater intimacy with God,” (Becoming Myself, by Staci Eldredge).

He will wipe away every tear from their eyes, and death shall be no more, neither shall there be mourning, nor crying, nor pain anymore, for the former things have passed away,

Revelation 21:4

– Catalina Moscoso

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