Darrow Miller and Friends

Less Gay, More Sorrow: Pain Ignored by the MSM

  1. Less Gay, More Sorrow: Pain Ignored by the MSM
  2. The Invisible Pain of a Woman

Gay, at one time, was defined as “merry; airy; jovial; sportive; frolicksome” (Webster’s 1828). Today, it connotes something very different. In some ways, the opposite.

There are contexts in modern life where people suffer immense pain and yet are not permitted to talk about it because the society does not acknowledge that pain, does not allow space for such pain to exist. And often the press, which once existed to expose lies and injustice, does not address this pain because of political correctness. Society will not confront these issues because to do so would be to recognize both the nature of reality and moral absolutes.

But if society won’t confront them, Christ followers must. That’s what this two-part series seeks to do, i.e. expose a topic the press won’t touch—the pain caused by the sexual revolution. This post examines the pain of gay “marriage,” the pain of transgenderism, and the pain of children raised by homosexual couples. Part 2 will include the pain of post-abortion mothers, the horrid butchering of babies—preborn, being born, newly born—and of female genital mutilation.

John Stonestreet writes in Sexual Revolution and Its Victims,

Like anyone who tries to deny the reality of gravity, those who deny the realities of God’s created order will quickly bring harm to themselves and others. These are the victims of the sexual revolution—those suffering from their own decisions or the decisions of others. And until now, they’ve been largely silenced—unable or forbidden to speak out about the brokenness they’ve suffered. Why? Because making their stories known would shatter the illusion that sexual liberation hurts no one.

“We’ve got a whole culture telling [these victims] to sit down, shut up, be quiet,” says Morse. “The sexual revolution has been built on suppressing the victims from the very beginning. The victims of the sexual revolution have never been allowed to really say, ‘Hey, you know what? This isn’t working for me.’”

What follows is simply an introduction to people in pain with whom we should weep,to whom we should show compassion, and for whom we should advocate.

The pain of “gay marriage”

gay marriage doesn't live up to its billingThe media paints pictures of happy “gay” couples, newly “married” and kissing in front of court houses or ministers. They depict happy couples, perfect families, blissful children with two mommies or two daddies.

Is this the reality? What about the stories of children torn from mother or father for the sake of the happiness of the “gay” person? Are we listening to the stories of abandoned spouses whose lives are shattered for the happiness of the departing spouse?

John Stonestreet captures this in “The Unseen Pain Behind Gay Marriage.”

Seven years ago, Darnelle’s husband of ten years told her that he was gay and that he wanted a divorce. As she wrote in The Public Discourse, “In an instant, the world that I had known and loved—the life we had built together—was shattered.”

She tried to persuade him to stay, and work through their problems and fight for their marriage. But, as she writes, “my voice, my desires, my needs—and those of our two young children—no longer mattered to him. We had become disposable, because he had embraced one tiny word that had become his entire identity. Being gay trumped commitment, vows, responsibility, faith, fatherhood, marriage, friendships, and community.”

And adding insult to injury, her soon-to-be ex-husband sought primary custody of the children. While he had to “settle” for shared custody, this still meant that their children, regardless of their desires, had to become props in the campaign for same-sex marriage.

The pain of transgender identity

Suicide can be thought of as a marker of ultimate pain. According to the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention, the rate of attempted suicide in the general US population is 4.6%. This likely means that, on average, every American has someone in their circle of family, friends or acquaintances who has attempted suicide. It’s important to ask if we are even aware of their pain.

trans victims and gay people have something in common

But that rate is tiny compared to suicide attempts among those identifying as homosexual or bisexual: 20% according to the AFSP. Four times the national average. And most shocking is the rate in the trans community: 41%.

Nearly half of the transgender population has attempted suicide. Such a stark reality should cause us to weep.

Walt Heyer, a male-to-female transgender, writes of the cover up of the pain in transgender lives.

Bruce Jenner and Diane Sawyer could benefit from a history lesson. I know, because I suffered through “sex change” surgery and lived as a woman for eight years. The surgery fixed nothing—it only masked and exacerbated deeper psychological problems.

The beginnings of the transgender movement have gotten lost today in the push for transgender rights, acceptance, and tolerance. If more people were aware of the dark and troubled history of sex-reassignment surgery, perhaps we wouldn’t be so quick to push people toward it.

The pain of children raised by same-sex couples

God designed the family so that children have a mother and father. Children raised by gay couples are missing the nurture of either a mother or a father. Twenty-three-year-old Australian Millie Fontana was raised by a lesbian couple. She describes the hurt she suffered from not having her father in her life.

I am a donor-conceived child of lesbian parents. … Growing up, I wanted a father. I felt it within me that I was missing a father before I could even articulate what a father was. I knew that I loved both of my parents, but I could not place my finger on what I was missing inside myself … I was lied to throughout school; I was told I didn’t have a father … it was very difficult for me to affirm a stable identity because of this. And my behavioral and emotional stability suffered greatly because of it.

I stand here before you raised atheist, with no religious affiliations. I stand with Christians because so far in this debate, Christians are the only people trying to reflect the issues that follow with children. Christians so far are the only people trying to shine light on stories like mine.

Nobody in the LGBT lobby wants to hear from someone like me. Because so far ‘love is love’ right? We don’t exist.

“We don’t exist.” In the eyes of those promoting same-sex marriage, the children raised in such relationships are invisible. They don’t matter. They don’t count.

Here is a short video of Millie telling her story. (Click here to view it in your browser.)

  • Darrow Miller

… to be continued

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Darrow is co-founder of the Disciple Nations Alliance and a featured author and teacher. For over 30 years, Darrow has been a popular conference speaker on topics that include Christianity and culture, apologetics, worldview, poverty, and the dignity of women. From 1981 to 2007 Darrow served with Food for the Hungry International (now FH association), and from 1994 as Vice President. Before joining FH, Darrow spent three years on staff at L’Abri Fellowship in Switzerland where he was discipled by Francis Schaeffer. He also served as a student pastor at Northern Arizona University and two years as a pastor of Sherman Street Fellowship in urban Denver, CO. In addition to earning his Master’s degree in Adult Education from Arizona State University, Darrow pursued graduate studies in philosophy, theology, Christian apologetics, biblical studies, and missions in the United States, Israel, and Switzerland. Darrow has authored numerous studies, articles, Bible studies and books, including Discipling Nations: The Power of Truth to Transform Culture (YWAM Publishing, 1998), Nurturing the Nations: Reclaiming the Dignity of Women for Building Healthy Cultures (InterVarsity Press, 2008), LifeWork: A Biblical Theology for What You Do Every Day (YWAM, 2009), Rethinking Social Justice: Restoring Biblical Compassion (YWAM, 2015), and more. These resources along with links to free e-books, podcasts, online training programs and more can be found at Disciple Nations Alliance (https://disciplenations.org).